Life Changing Event
“I’m afraid this is going to be a life changing event for you.” I have had several life changing events… sometimes I even welcomed them. But when those words come from your physician, it is not something you want to hear. I heard them yesterday after a series of lab tests, chest X-rays, and a CAT scan. And although the diagnosis is not yet clear, it is likely that our life in northern British Columbia will no longer be possible. Tomorrow (Friday, 30 May) I am scheduled for a bronchoscopy and biopsy of my right lung. By Monday afternoon we will have the biopsy report and discuss “next steps.”
Rereading what I have just written, I realize that it sounds so unemotional. Events have happened so quickly that I am not sure I really comprehend the seriousness yet. I have enjoyed good health all my life. Even now I do not feel “bad,” just very tired. There is a mass in my right lung and the upper lobe of the lung has collapsed. I have never smoked in my life and all of my lab work shows everything to be well within the normal range… leaving the doctors with more questions than answers. And leaving Bob and I wondering what the rest of our lives will look like, and how much time there will be. But we remain optimistic.
I can honestly say that I have never feared death. Maybe it is because I had to face it so early in my life. Four years old is awfully young to discover that nothing lasts forever, not even a 38-year old father who was loved by everyone who knew him. He wrote in a journal, that if he could make a difference in even one child’s life (he was a schoolteacher) his life would be well spent. From what I have heard, he touched many lives with his kindness, compassion, and inspiration… even the life of a small four year old who missed the father that took her to school with him, and picked carrots together in the garden.
I will die too… sooner or later. I have lived my life to the fullest, with a sense of wonder rather than fear. And like my father, I think I have touched a few lives along the way. This is one of my favorite bits of wisdom:
… P. L. Morningstar
.
Rereading what I have just written, I realize that it sounds so unemotional. Events have happened so quickly that I am not sure I really comprehend the seriousness yet. I have enjoyed good health all my life. Even now I do not feel “bad,” just very tired. There is a mass in my right lung and the upper lobe of the lung has collapsed. I have never smoked in my life and all of my lab work shows everything to be well within the normal range… leaving the doctors with more questions than answers. And leaving Bob and I wondering what the rest of our lives will look like, and how much time there will be. But we remain optimistic.
I can honestly say that I have never feared death. Maybe it is because I had to face it so early in my life. Four years old is awfully young to discover that nothing lasts forever, not even a 38-year old father who was loved by everyone who knew him. He wrote in a journal, that if he could make a difference in even one child’s life (he was a schoolteacher) his life would be well spent. From what I have heard, he touched many lives with his kindness, compassion, and inspiration… even the life of a small four year old who missed the father that took her to school with him, and picked carrots together in the garden.
I will die too… sooner or later. I have lived my life to the fullest, with a sense of wonder rather than fear. And like my father, I think I have touched a few lives along the way. This is one of my favorite bits of wisdom:
For the truth is that I already know as much about my fate as I need to know. The day will come when I will die. So the only matter of consequence before me is what I will do with my allotted time. I can remain on shore, paralyzed with fear, or I can raise my sails and dip and soar in the breeze.
Richard Bode, First You Have to Row a Little Boat
… P. L. Morningstar
.
posted by Looking for Hope | 6:35 AM
1 Comments:
I hope for the best for you, and that this is benign.
I am also waiting for results from a lung problem, so this really struck home.
There is a lot of good medicine out there, and I am encouraged by success stories that even a few years ago would not have been possible.
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