HOPE

Hope costs nothing to give and is priceless to have. … Vickie Girard

Some days are brighter than others. This was one of the bright days. At the cottage a beautiful flower opened its bloom on one of Hannah’s houseplants – I’m not sure whether it is a cactus, or succulent – but the creamy white blossom is spectacular. And as I sat at the kitchen table, I watched the first hummingbird come to the new feeder that our friends Lee and Melanie gave us last week.

Early this morning I sat in a large green recliner with an IV drip delivering the first of any kind of treatment. It wasn’t chemotherapy… that particular decision is yet to be decided. (The biopsy report we have been waiting for came back negative, showing that I do not have the genetic marker needed to start me on Tarceva, the oral lung cancer treatment.) The infusion I received this morning is designed to help protect and strengthen the bones in cancer patients whose cancer has metastasized to the bone. When I mentioned to the nurse that I could taste the drug at the back of my throat, she offered me a peppermint candy to counteract that. I politely said no thanks. Today that metallic taste meant that something was getting started and it was a taste I wanted to savor. Bob took the peppermint instead.

Later I had an appointment with my pulmonologist. I was looking for someone who would be on my side, who would work WITH me in my desire to fight lung cancer, however slight the odds. The doctor listened to my concerns and addressed each of them. He explained to me that the reason survival statistics are so bad for lung cancer patients is that at least 50 percent of them also have emphysema or other major health problems that will probably kill them anyway. I have taken good care of my health my whole life. I’ve never smoked, maintain a diet of chicken, fish, whole grains, and fruits and vegetables… I even LIKE broccoli, and over the years I’ve religiously scheduled annual PAP tests and mammograms. I’ve lived an active lifestyle. I want that to count for something. Yes I know, even healthy people can get killed in a car accident or just crossing the road. But even though this may feel like a car accident, it is not. My healthy heart is still pumping, my left lung is performing extra duty and my immune system has not yet been compromised. I don’t have any of the ailments that can afflict people of my age. Enough said. You get the picture. And so does my doctor. I am blessed with the love and support of friends and family. Bob is always at my side. But to have HOPE, I also need the advocacy of medical professionals. That is what I gained today. A big hug from my doctor brought the tears that I rarely shed… kindness and hope always does that to me.

Hope and positivity are two different things. You can have hope and not be positive every single day, but you can’t have a single moment of positivity without hope. … Vickie Girard

... PLM