The Options
If you do nothing, you have one month. If you only take steroids to reduce the brain swelling and inflammation, you have two months. If you undergo whole brain radiation treatment, you have six months to a year, or longer, depending upon the status of the lung tumor. Straight to the point. I like that. It puts it all into perspective.
Only that morning I had written this: “There is an added urgency to my days. That book unread on my bookshelf needs to be opened. It isn’t something I can read “someday.” The stories I wanted to write need to be written now, the photos organized and labeled, last reflections made. I may yet become one of the 1 to 2% who survives Stage IV lung cancer, but at the moment it does not look promising. My worry is that I may continue to live, but without the capacity to do the things that make my life worth living. What if I cannot write a poem, capture beauty in a photograph, become lost in reflective thought, have a stimulating conversation with Bob, or complete a crossword puzzle? My worry is that I will lose myself before the cancer takes me. That is what brain metastasis and its treatment can do, and it scares me.”
If you do nothing, you have one month. If you only take steroids to reduce the brain swelling and inflammation, you have two months. If you undergo whole brain radiation treatment, you have six months to a year, or longer, depending upon the status of the lung tumor.
There will be short-term memory loss. I write at night… in my head… will it still be there in the morning? It is 5 am. I cannot sleep. So I am writing this all down now. The creative process happens in the here and now, in the moment, spontaneous, inspired, serendipitous. Can that happen with short-term memory impairement? My eyesight might be affected, either through increased cataract formation or blindness. (At least the cataracts can be surgically removed.) Art, photography, travel, seeing the world through the lens of a camera or my own eyes opened wide in a sense of wonderment. Will I lose that too?
If you do nothing, you have one month. If you only take steroids to reduce the brain swelling and inflammation, you have two months. If you undergo whole brain radiation treatment, you have six months to a year or longer. Is there a choice?
The amazing thing to me is that given the bad news about finding ten brain mets, and the dire prognosis if treatment isn’t begun immediately, I left the Cancer Center feeling hopeful. The radiation oncologist gave that to me. It felt like he was on my side, my advocate, and that I could trust his choice of treatment for me. Knowledge and information gathering is essential when dealing with a disease like this, and we have done that, but sometimes it just comes down to trusting gut instincts. But it’s not always easy to know if extending life is worth the risk of losing self. My hope is that I can have both.
... P. L. Morningstar
Only that morning I had written this: “There is an added urgency to my days. That book unread on my bookshelf needs to be opened. It isn’t something I can read “someday.” The stories I wanted to write need to be written now, the photos organized and labeled, last reflections made. I may yet become one of the 1 to 2% who survives Stage IV lung cancer, but at the moment it does not look promising. My worry is that I may continue to live, but without the capacity to do the things that make my life worth living. What if I cannot write a poem, capture beauty in a photograph, become lost in reflective thought, have a stimulating conversation with Bob, or complete a crossword puzzle? My worry is that I will lose myself before the cancer takes me. That is what brain metastasis and its treatment can do, and it scares me.”
If you do nothing, you have one month. If you only take steroids to reduce the brain swelling and inflammation, you have two months. If you undergo whole brain radiation treatment, you have six months to a year, or longer, depending upon the status of the lung tumor.
There will be short-term memory loss. I write at night… in my head… will it still be there in the morning? It is 5 am. I cannot sleep. So I am writing this all down now. The creative process happens in the here and now, in the moment, spontaneous, inspired, serendipitous. Can that happen with short-term memory impairement? My eyesight might be affected, either through increased cataract formation or blindness. (At least the cataracts can be surgically removed.) Art, photography, travel, seeing the world through the lens of a camera or my own eyes opened wide in a sense of wonderment. Will I lose that too?
If you do nothing, you have one month. If you only take steroids to reduce the brain swelling and inflammation, you have two months. If you undergo whole brain radiation treatment, you have six months to a year or longer. Is there a choice?
The amazing thing to me is that given the bad news about finding ten brain mets, and the dire prognosis if treatment isn’t begun immediately, I left the Cancer Center feeling hopeful. The radiation oncologist gave that to me. It felt like he was on my side, my advocate, and that I could trust his choice of treatment for me. Knowledge and information gathering is essential when dealing with a disease like this, and we have done that, but sometimes it just comes down to trusting gut instincts. But it’s not always easy to know if extending life is worth the risk of losing self. My hope is that I can have both.
... P. L. Morningstar
posted by Looking for Hope | 8:42 AM
3 Comments:
Hi Morningstar,
Choices! "...sometimes it just comes down to trusting gut instincts."
You and Bob have probably talked and talked about which treatment choice to make, and have covered all important considerations, including input from your radiation oncologist. When you do decide which path to follow, regarding treatment, you will have made your choice based on knowledge and professional input.
My wish for you is that in having explored all options, you feel comfortable with your decision, and that you will be "one of the 1 to 2% who survives Stage IV lung cancer."
Love,
--PM
Good morning,
I am at a loss for words this morning as I read your latest entry.
Continue to trust in what you know and feel and know that the things out of your control are just that.
I send my thoughts and prayers along the March winds to you.
Doc's Girl
Hi Morningstar -
I was so sorry to read that the cancer has spread to the brain...such a delicate place and so much the center of who and what we are.
My friend who is fighting stage IV lung cancer had 20 days of whole brain radiation (she had over 30 tumors initially) and all but 2 are now gone. One remains an issue because it is deep in mid-brain but the remaining tumors are still shrinking - one full year after radiation. So there is hope that you will be among the 1-2% survivors.
My thoughts are with you as you make this next decision.
Sue
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